Mega Python's Flying Circus
by ravenf6
Summary: You're invited to see the Maverick Hunters perfrom sketches from the immortal Monty Python Flying Circus... and the insanity behind the scenes. PG13 for violence, language and strange material
1. Default Chapter

Ravenf6: This is probably my weirdest project to date, but standard disclaimer applies, I don't own Mega Man X (I do have some of the games) ,or the Monty Python Flying Circus nor any of the sketches and songs (I do own a VHS collection). I'm not getting paid for this, but I am doing this for enjoyment.  
  
Mega Python's Flying Circus  
  
Prologue: The Gathering  
  
Life became quiet after the seventh defeat of the maverick mastermind, Sigma. And since there were no real outbreaks or rebellions, the Maverick Hunters found themselves bereft of work.  
  
Even now, they spend time trying to find hobbies: Signas was building one of those model-ships-in-a-bottle, Alia was a learning a strange language, and Douglass was trying to build a cappuccino machine that runs on cold fusion. Thus leaving the regular hunters, X, Zero, and Axl completely bored out of their heads in the archives.  
  
Axl:. Does it always get this quiet around here?  
  
Zero: Not THIS quiet,.. You could hear a pin drop. I'd wish there was some action around here.  
  
X: I don't think it's that bad; for the first time in a hundred years we actually have peace.  
  
Zero: That's easy for you to say; You've been in a capsule for most of those years. I've been bored for all that time.  
  
Axl: Okay guys take it easy, you don't want to have Alia come in, do you?  
  
X: (sweat drops) Yikes. Alia's scary when she's angry.  
  
Zero: Ha ha. Old Grandpa X is afraid of little Alia!  
  
X: (smug) You weren't so tough when she found out you put that hidden camera in her room. I heard your screams of pain all the way from the city limits.  
  
Zero: (Reaches for his beam saber) How'd you like a new hole in your head?  
  
X: (left hand changes into buster canon) Suits me fine I can rip off that gigantic feather duster called your hair!  
  
Just then, Dr. Cain comes in with a large bundle of papers.  
  
Dr. Cain: What's going on here?  
  
X, Axl, and Zero turn to Dr. Cain looking quite surprised.  
  
Axl: Um.. just a training exercise, doctor.  
  
Zero: What are you- (Axl elbows Zero and X),- uhhh that's right!  
  
X: No harm done. (to Axl) You could have warned us if the old bat was in  
  
Axl: (to X) Just shut up unless you want to suffer the polka curse!  
  
X: What 'polka curse'?  
  
Axl: As a maverick counter measure, Doc Cain developed a satellite that can beam polka music into the heads of any reploid he chooses.. and I was the test subject.  
  
Dr. Cain: Well, if you three are acting, I've got great news. We're gonna do a show.  
  
Axl, X, & Zero: (paralyzed with fear) A SHOW!?!?!  
  
Dr. Cain: What? Is there a problem?  
  
Zero: The last time we put on a show, we had another Maverick Rebellion!  
  
X: Yeah, they all wanted our heads on a pike!  
  
Axl: (shudder) Who'd have thought a play about metools could be so horrible??  
  
Dr. Cain : Oh come on, guys. You're going to like this: it's a comedy! Besides, the others are excited about it.  
  
Zero: (growling) That's because they're always in the audience as critics.  
  
Dr. Cain: Come on, just take a look at this script, we're doing a classic.  
  
Axl picks up the script.  
  
Axl: ."Monty Python's Flying Circus??" What the heck is a flying circus?  
  
Zero: And who's this Monty Python? Sounds like a crazy maverick.  
  
X: I think I've heard of this before. Yeah, I remember that Dr. Light and Roll often watched this show in my younger days.  
  
Axl: Reploids don't age, X.  
  
X: I don't mean that literally, I was talking metaphorically. Talk about your weird and twisted humor!  
  
Dr. Cain: Hey, someone knows the material! Good thing too, since you three will be staring.  
  
Zero: Count me out, I'd rather have my eyes ripped out with a red-hot poker!  
  
Dr. Cain: (evil grin) I was hoping you'd say that.  
  
Reaching into a side pocket, Dr. Cain takes out a remote control, aims it at Zero and pushes a button. At first nothing happened, but soon the crimson hunter was clutching his head and starts rolling and screaming in agony.  
  
Zero: X_X AAGHGH!!! POLKA MUSIC!!!! TOO.. HORRIBLE!!! AHAGAHAGHGAGHAHGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
X: My god. If something like that can bring Zero to his knees, it's surely the power of darkness.  
  
Axl: My thoughts exactly  
  
Dr. Cain: So what do you two think?  
  
Axl and X look at each other, then at the writhing Zero.  
  
(Heavy sigh) "We'll do it".  
  
Dr. Cain: Wonderful. (shuts off the remote) Rehearsal will be in Gate's Test lab.  
  
X: Gate?? But wasn't he destroyed?  
  
Just then, a pillar of light descends in the room and a person comes out.  
  
Ravenf6: I can answer that question.  
  
X: Who are you??  
  
Ravenf6: I am the writer of this fic. I decided that Gate would be assisting the Maverick Hunters in repentance for his Nightmare Phenomena.  
  
Dr. Cain: Oh Good Lord! The Maker!  
  
Zero: (Gets up from his suffering and starts staring daggers at the stranger) You! You're the reason I had to listen to that accursed music! Do you know how horrible a torture that is??  
  
Ravenf6: Yes..your point being?  
  
Zero: (Vein starts throbbing on his face) I don't care if you're human, I'll beat the living crap out of you!  
  
Ravenf6: (scoffs) I can take you out in one blow, for such is in my power  
  
Zero: (Takes out his beak saber) Oh yeah, try it!  
  
Zero swings the saber but it cuts through air. Ravenf6 reappears in midair before a stunned Zero and slams a right cross that sends the pony tailed hunter flying across the room, crashing into a book case and burying the victim in hard covered literature.  
  
X: (Looks at Zero and then at the others) Tell me I didn't just see that.  
  
Ravenf6: Have I proven my point?  
  
Axl: Looks that way, I don't think Zero'll be getting up soon.  
  
Dr. Cain: The writer can do things unimaginable as he can write epics with words. All hail the fanfic writer!  
  
X: Why are you here?  
  
Ravenf6: Aside from Zero getting uppity, I came because I wanted to oversee the show's production. I'm a big Python fan.  
  
Dr. Cain: Speaking of which, we'd better start rehearsing.  
  
X: What about Zero?  
  
Dr. Cain: Axl can drag him down to the lab. Now let's go!  
  
Down in the lab, Gate and Dr. Doppler were surveying the various props  
being used for the show.  
  
Gate: Do you think this will work?  
  
Dr. Doppler: Who knows? Do you think we have enough pies?  
  
Gate: I lost track at 40. I'm more worried about the opening number.  
  
Dr. Doppler: It's a musical comedy, of course there'll be some musical numbers.  
  
Gate: Yeah but check out the lyrics.  
  
Doppler reads over the lyrics  
  
Dr. Doppler: Ugh! That sounds disgusting!  
  
Gate: Makes me glad we're not acting.  
  
Dr. Doppler: Amen to that. Dr. Cain should be in with the cast any time now.  
  
Dr. Cain enters with Ravenf6, X, and Axl dragging an unconscious black-eyed Zero.  
  
Gate: What happened to the stiff?  
  
Dr. Cain: Zero had the bad sense to anger the writer. So is everything in order?  
  
Gate: Nope. We're still waiting for the stage crew, not to mention we're short two actors.  
  
Just then the room began to shake violently and the ground splits open. From this void from beyond a fearsome figure in a nightmarish cloak emerges.  
  
???: YARRGH!!!  
  
X: Sigma??  
  
Sigma: That's right, X! My power is too much for Hell to contain, and once again I rise to wreak havoc upon the human race!  
  
Ravenf6: That's perfect!  
  
Sigma: Eh??? . Am I missing something here.  
  
Ravenf6: That raw emotion, that fury! You're perfect!  
  
Sigma: Uh, can you tell me what this wretch is talking about?  
  
X: We're putting a show together, but we're in need of actors.  
  
Sigma: So what does that have to do with.. Oh, I know what you're thinking. But no dice! I have a world to conquer!  
  
Sigma starts flying out of the lab, but a snap of the finger later, heavy chains appear and shackle Sigma to the floor.  
  
Sigma: (struggles against his bonds) What the? Let me out of these chains!!  
  
Ravenf6: Though you escaped death seven times, I control powers you can only dream of. We need your help to make this production work.  
  
Sigma: Get bent!  
  
Ravenf6: Sigma. If you offer your services, I shall grant you a gift. A remarkable gift befitting a reploid of your stature.  
  
Sigma: Reaallllly? Okay, I'll do it.  
  
Dr. Cain: That just leaves one left.  
  
X: Are you sure about this?  
  
Ravenf6: Positive, right, Dr. Cain?  
  
Cain holds up the menacing remote.  
  
Dr. Doppler: Unfortunately we're short a chorus.  
  
Ravenf6: Look alive guys, our crew is here.  
  
The door way opens up when two elderly men came in, one with spikey gray hair, and the other with a white beard like Santa Claus.  
  
X: You're kidding me!  
  
Dr. Wily: Wow, this place puts my Skull Fortress to shame.  
  
Dr. Light: So this is where it all begins.  
  
Ravenf6: Everyone, I'd like you to meet the most venerable robot scientists of the 21st century. Doctors Albert Wily and Thomas Light.  
  
X: Wow, so the capsules do add 10 pounds.  
  
Dr. Light: Yes it does, but now we're flesh and blood again.  
  
Axl: So this is the mad scientist you were talking about, X?  
  
X: Yep. But I'd hardly say 'venerable' for him.  
  
Dr. Wily: You should know that I can still crush you like a nut.  
  
Ravenf6: Now now, Wily. We already talked this over. You and Dr. Light are here as our camera crew. (Menacingly) If you so much as think an evil thought, I'll cut out your balls and make you wear them as earrings!  
  
Dr. Wily: And people though I was crazy!!  
  
Gate: This shouldn't be happening; by all accounts, this should have caused a paradox that would destroy this time stream as we know it!  
  
Ravenf6: Would a, could a, should a, who cares?  
  
Dr. Light: I must say that this is a very strange experience! By the way, has the others come yet?  
  
Ravenf6: Not yet. We still need one more spot to fill for our stars.  
  
Sigma: I'm just glad that cockroach Dynamo hasn't been roped into this yet! I hate that smug son of a-  
  
Just then, a wall explodes open and in its wake was a black and yellow robot with a vengeful look in his eyes.  
  
Bass: Mega Man! I've come to settle the score, you coward!..Whoa! You've gotten big since last time I saw you.  
  
X: Still jolly as ever, eh Bass?  
  
Bass: (angry) It's not Bass It's Bass! as in "base guitar!!"  
  
X: I can blow you away with one little finger so I don't care what you say; you're still the same loser who's named after a fish!  
  
Ravenf6: Dang it, what do I have to do to get this crew organized??  
  
Dr. Cain uses the remotes on everyone who was arguing (machine anyway), and they were promptly screaming in agony.  
  
Dr. Wily: Ingenious device! What kind of frequency is that thing on?  
  
Dr. Cain: One that's too advanced for you, old man.  
  
Just then Zero was coming around.  
  
Zero: Damn, my head hurts. Must have been some party. (tries to open his black eye, but it's swollen shut). a hell of a party.  
  
Ravenf6: Funny. That punch was meant to knock you down, not put your lights out.  
  
Dr. Light: I believe we should get started now. We've wasted enough time.  
  
Ravenf6: Terrific, now we need a make up crew.  
  
Roll comes in.  
  
Roll: (looks around) Some things never change.  
  
Ravenf6: Praised be the saints! We've got our make up artist!  
  
Roll: (sweat drops)...  
  
X: It's been a long time, sis.  
  
Roll: Rock? Is that you??  
  
X: Who else would it be?  
  
Roll: Wow, you've grown!  
  
Ravenf6: Okay everyone, let's set up for the first sketch! Gate, Doppler, I want you to get the stage ready. Wily, you and Light set the cameras up. And Roll, you take Zero to the powder room and see if you can cover up that shiner. Everyone else, rehearse their lines.  
  
Roll: (Takes a good look at Zero) Who did this?  
  
Zero: (stares daggers at ravenf6) Someone with a death wish.  
  
First bit: Sit on my (annoyed grunt)  
  
10 minutes later, the five 'actors are rehearsing their lines, amidst noisy construction and electrical crackling.  
  
Bass: Can someone please tell me why I'm here doing a ridiculous piece of garbage?  
  
Axl: The polka curse.  
  
Bass: Agh!! I hate polka!  
  
Zero: (annoyed) Tell us something we don't already know.  
  
Sigma: Hmm. something tells me we're going to lose sanity unless we get this right.  
  
X: When does the torture begin?  
  
Axl: I think we're starting as soon as Roll's finished.  
  
Bass: I hope that takes forever.  
  
But to the dismay of the actors, Roll and Zero came to the stage.  
  
Zero: So where's the barbarian?  
  
Roll: Take it easy, Zero. It took a lot of time to make that shiner look normal  
  
Zero: Let's get this rehearsal over with so I can hunt him down.  
  
Dr. Cain: (through a bull horn) Okay everyone, quiet on the set! We're going to start with the opener. "Sit on my Face."  
  
Axl: Are you serious?!? That's disgusting!  
  
Zero: No one said anything about singing!  
  
Sigma: No one said anything about sitting on anyone's faces; we can get censored for that!  
  
Dr. Cain: Come on, just be thankful it's a rehearsal. Line up!  
  
X, Axl, Bass, Sigma, and Zero get to center stage.  
  
Zero: (whisper) Well, guys, it's been swell knowing you.  
  
X: (whisper) Relax, I've rigged up something to make this job painless  
  
Sigma: (also whisper) I hope you're right.  
  
Dr. Cain: (Bull horn) Okay, Gate! Start the music when you're ready!  
  
Gate gives a thumbs-up as he sits at the control room flipping switches. Light and Wily start recording on the cameras will Roll, Doppler, and Ravenf6 oversee the rehearsal.  
  
Music: "Sit on my Face", traditional  
  
X, Axl, Bass, Sigma, and Zero: (singing)  
  
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me  
  
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too  
  
I love to hear you oralize  
  
When I'm between your thighs  
  
You blow me away!  
  
Sit on my face, and let my lips embrace you  
  
I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly  
  
Life can be fine if we're both 69  
  
If we sit on our faces  
  
In all sort of places  
  
And play  
  
Till we're blown away..!!!  
  
The music stops  
  
Dr. Wily: So what do you guys think?  
  
Dr. Light: I thought it was quite good. They really got the lines and harmony well for a rehearsal.  
  
Roll: Too well, if you ask me.  
  
Ravenf6: Gate, can you check something?..  
  
Back on the stage..  
  
Axl: I think that worked out perfectly.  
  
Sigma: For once, I'm in agreement. What was that?  
  
X: Something that insures that we never have to perform it again.  
  
Dr. Doppler: (speaker microphone) that was a good one, guys. But we're gonna have to do it again?  
  
Everyone on stage: (eyes double in size) WHAT??!??!  
  
Dr. Doppler: It seems that the musical track we used also contained the lyrics. Let's try it again, but without the music this time.  
  
X falls over anime style and then Zero, Axl, and Sigma begin beating the azure hunter to a pulp.  
  
Gate: What do you think the chances of us getting this done?  
  
Ravenf6: (looks the beating frenzy on the stage) . I think we're gonna be here a long time. MAKE UP!!!!  
  
Production has begun but with a few hitches. Will X survive for the next scene? Will Zero get his revenge? Can Roll keep her frustrations in check while production continues??  
  
Roll: (grim face) Don't bet your zenny on it.  
  
As you've just seen, I'll soon have the crew start performing other Python sketches, with a small list in mind. If you'd like to see a specific Python sketch performed, tell me which one you want to see in your reviews and I'll try to accommodate you in future chapters. More reviews mean more chapters!!^^ 


	2. And now for something completly Grailish...

**Act 1: And now for something completely Grailish part 1**

Tonight's program features insanity behind the scenes and the beginning of the "Grail" gags.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mega Man X, its characters, The Monty Python Flying Circus, the sketches, movies, Jell-o, and just about everything and everyone else in between.

2nd Disclaimer: I am well aware that there are other writers who either have done, or are doing a MMX /MP&THG parody fics at this time here at To those authors, I mean no offense, theft, or disrespect of any kind whatsoever. The 'Grail' gags in this fic are stemmed purely from viewer request, an unknown reviewer.... it was gonna happen any way IMO

Things were not looking so good. Production had slowed to a crawl as Zero, Axel, Sigma, and Bass continued to act their aggressions on a writhing X. Not too far away, the others try to break up the frenzy.

Gate: You know guys, there's an invention called a "punching bag" that people use for this sort of thing. We're not going to finish if you kill one of the cast.

Bass: (turns around briefly) Go to hell! (goes back to pummeling X)

Sigma: I've never had this much fun in my life!

Ravenf6: You guys better stop this now, or suffer my wrath.

Bass: Oh yeah, and what can you, a lowly human like you do to us?

Ravenf6 (passes a hand over his face and is dressed in sorcerer's robe. He puts his hands together as a sphere of magic energy is focused in his palms.)

Bass: Is this 'magic?' Doesn't look very scary.

Ravenf6: You don't want me to take a page out of Bahamut's book and do a Mega flare on you, do ya?

Zero: What's a 'mega flare'?

Ravenf6: An all-encompassing blast of energy that surpasses any nuclear or atomic explosion. 'Tis the power of the great Dragon King.(The sphere begins to crackle violently)

The beating frenzy stops in pause-motion. X crawls to a safe distance in spite of many bruises and aching joints.

Axl: Uh, guys... I don't know about you, but I don't want to be blown to atoms.

Sigma: He's bluffing!

Gate: No he isn't. I've seen this before; its destructive power has wiped out entire landscapes in the blink of an eye. I've yet to create a machine capable of such magnitude, but it's THAT powerful!

X: Since when did you play the Final Fantasy games?

Gate: I have a hobby outside of the Nightmares.

Ravenf6: Last chance, guys.

Zero: (cringes) Damn.... All right you win.

Sigma: Wimp.

Ravenf6 turns towards Sigma and fires, the renegade reploid is blown to atom-sized molecules in the blast.

X: (wide-eyed) ... No way!!!

Axl: Ditto that. There's nothing left of him.

Zero: ....

Dr. Light. That's all well and good, but now we're short an actor again.

Ravenf6: That's easily remedied. (Snaps his finger and Sigma reappears, everyone looks confused, except for Sigma who was just dumfounded)

Sigma:?????

Ravenf6: How was death?

Sigma: Really boring. But what the hell did you do that to me for???

Ravenf6: Because I can. Now let's get a little organized around here. Roll, could you see if you can patch up your brother?

Roll: I'll try, but I think he needs an overhaul....

Dr. Cain: Well let's see.... Next up, we're doing the 12 Apostles sketch. This is only a two man sketch so are there any volunteers?

Axl: As long as it isn't a song, I'll do it.

Dr. Cain: Now we need someone with a sense of .... Authority.

Zero: Oh what the hell, I'm already half way in the river.

Ravenf6: Good! Let's get you fitted for costumes.

Half an hour passes slowly. Over in the control room, Light and Wily pass the time by playing chess.

Wily: In all my years, I've never seen such insanity in robotics.

Light: Tell me about it. If this is our future, things are looking very grim indeed. So... how's prison?

Wily: In a word, it's disgusting. With such pitiful living conditions, you'd figure out why everyone tries to break out.

Light: How do you think this will turn out?

Wily: You really want to know? I think that the author is going to destroy a lot of things before Bass and the others get the message.

Light: .. I'll take that bet.

Wily: What?

Light: I'll bet you 30 zenny that the next one to anger the writer will be. That Axl fellow.

Wily: You wish, I'd say Bass would get under his skin easily.

Light: You would bet against your own robot?

Wily: Bass has gotten on my nerves more times than I care to remember.

???: But what if either of them is beaten to the punch?

Light: Who's there?

Gate enters the control room.

Gate: I was wondering where you two wandered off. Plus, I heard everything.

Wily: (Looking smug) so you want to make a bet?

Gate: Gladly. I say Zero will be the next one to anger the writer.

Light: Oh drat, I forgot about him...

Wily: Curses! And for me to build such a magnificent robot only to not bet against him. I'm such a fool...

Gate: (looking smug) So we have a bet?

Light & Wily: Deal...

In the powder room, Roll faces the next-to-impossible task of trying to fix up his brother.

Roll: ...fat cheeks, dislocated nose and a broken jaw. Rock, what have you been doing all these years? Renting your head out as a battering ram?

X: (sarcastic) Very funny, Roll.

Roll: (picks up a small wash cloth) It its actually. I can understand fighting mavericks, but getting gangbanged by your own comrades is pretty embarrassing.

X: Not really. You forgot about Bass and Sigma.

Roll: That giant cue ball? (Pours a mysterious liquid onto the cloth) Sounds like it makes sense. Now hold still, this might sting a bit...(applies the wet cloth to X)

X: (Jumps out of his seat al la Tex Avery shorts) YEEEEOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Crashes back to his seat) What the heck is that???

Roll: (reads the bottle) "Colossus Brand liquid titanium treatment. Contains chemicals and elements that when applied, work likes a kind of iodine for reploids, even if there is no exposure to vital fluids.

X: It burns!

Roll: Oh shut yer trap. You brought it on yourself.

Back on the stage, the stage is ready for the next sketch but Axl and Zero are nowhere to be found.

Gate: Where the hell are those two? I thought they wanted to do this one?

Ravenf6: Apparently they have a problem with their costumes.

Gate: They already sang, what could be worse than that?

Just then: Dr. Cain prods the unfortunate pair with his polka remote. Axl is dressed as a pope, while Zero is dressed like a nobleman from the Renaissance.

Ravenf6: Hmm. This is very weird.

Axl: I don't know why you humans really need clothes outside the obvious reasons. I look like a geek in this!

Light: Maybe, but the pope is one of the most respected men in history. You should be honored to play the part.

Of stage, everyone hears Sigma snickering.

Axl: ..... Right....

Zero: I can't believe I actually wanted to do this bit.

Sigma comes out on stage with a video camera.

Sigma: I can't believe I hadn't thought of this sooner.

Zero: (really pissed) What the hell do you think you're doing, Sigma?

Sigma: I'm documenting the 'making of' video.

Zero (Takes out his beam saber) that's it; you're the straw that broke this hunter's back, Sigma!

Zero starts charging towards Sigma preparing to swing the deadly weapon when suddenly...

Ravenf6: Hold it, Zero!

Zero stops in mid swing.

Ravenf6: As much as you're gonna hate this. Sigma has every reason to chronicle this.

Zero: Don't tell me YOU commissioned this piece of sh-

Ravenf6: -(Slams a plate of steel over Zero's mouth before he could finish the sentence) Are you mad?? If you dare finish that sentence, we'll be blackballed for life! There are only a select few who can get away with words like that!

Zero: (stupefied silence)????

Ravenf6: Now, now, Zero. You're role in this bit is the artist who 's in conflict with the Pope about his latest masterpiece. (Removes Zero's steel plate)

Zero: OWW!!!..... When this is over, I'm going to kill you.

Ravenf6: I'll fight you anytime, Zero, but we have to get this production done.

And yea, doth the set be rigged in the fashion of the Renaissance, where Zero and Axl do prepare themselves....

"The 12 Apostles sketch" .... In a nutshell...

Once again, Wily, Light, Gate, Doppler, Roll, and Ravenf6 gather in the control room. This time Sigma, and X decide to join in. Gate ques in druid chanting string as the spot light shines on Axl, sitting on a throne dressed as the Pope. Bass comes in dressed as a messenger.

Bass: You're holiness, Michelangelo has arrived.

Axl: Who?

Bass: Michelangelo, the famous Renaissance artist whose works included the Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and the celebrated Statue of David...-

Axl: -Alright already, they got the message; they know who he is.

Bass:.... But this is a rehearsal, there's no audience. (rim shot)

Axl: Send him in.

At the far left section of the stage, Zero becomes hesitant.

Zero: (from off stage) No way, there's no way I'm going out like this.

Dr. Cain: Then I guess I have to put on Polka remix #2 (takes out the remote)

Zero: (suddenly alarmed) No need!

(Zero comes out, dressed as a stuffy noble, looking very chagrined, everyone in the control room struggle to stifle their laughter.)

Zero: 'Evening, your Holiness.

Axl: Good evening, Michelangelo, I want to talk to you about your latest work: "The Last Supper."

Zero: Yeah?

Axl: I'm not happy about it.

Zero: Oh dear. That took me hours to paint.

Axl: Well I'm still not happy about it.

Zero: ...You didn't like the Jell-o in it, did you?

Axl: That's right.

Zero: But it's perfect.

Axl: Well I don't like it. You've made several mistakes.

Zero: What do you mean? I've got Christ and the Apostles there; it's the Last Supper.

Axl: That's just it: The Apostles.

Zero: What about them?

Axl: There are supposed to be 12 apostles.... You've painted 38.

Zero: ... Well, I thought they invited some of their friends over.

Axl: That's not the point: there are only 12 apostles. You're going to have to get rid of them.

Zero: Hey, it's MY work-

Axl: But I commissioned it! Now I want it back to normal!

Zero: But-!

Axl: 12 Apostles and Christ the lord!

Zero: All right...

Axl: That's not all though, in this painting, you also have clowns and animals? Explain!

Zero: Well this is supposed to be THE Last Supper, isn't?

Axl: Yes, but-

Zero: I didn't want this to be ANY "Last Supper"; I wanted this be the ultimate Last Supper.

Axl: But there isn't-

Zero: So I kicked it up a notch and made this an ultimate last supper.

Axl: (angry) No! I won't allow this: There are only 12 apostles and Christ! That's all!

Zero: ... You didn't like the kangaroos?

Axl: (really angry) NO!!!! 12 APOSTLES AND JESUS CHRIST: THAT'S IT!!!!

Zero: Oh come on! It's better this way!

Axl: I don't care! If you don't change it back, I'll cut your tongue out and make you eat it in a sandwich!

Zero: (angry) What do YOU care? You wouldn't know art if it came up and bit your face.

Axl: (takes out his guns) You want to make something of it?

Zero: (takes out his Z-saber) Are you asking for a whipping?

Ravenf6: Whoa! Whoa! whoa, guys. This is NOT how the act is supposed to go!

Zero: Did you hear us asking for your opinion? No, I think not!

Sigma: (from behind his camera) Heh heh heh. This stuff is golden!

Ravenf6: (his gaze turns to Axl and Zero) I warn you two. Do not tempt my wrath!

Zero: (mock fear) Ooh, did you hear that, Axl? He's getting angry!

Axl: (same as Zero) Oh no. Please don't hurt us.

Ravenf6: (a vein twitches slightly) If I am to get this production finished, I shall require your full cooperation. (Looks to his left) Dr. Cain, would you be so kind as to demonstrate who is master around here?

Dr. Cain: With pleasure. (Takes out his remote and pushes the button)

Zero and Axl's face begin to twitch in agony, then they both collapse to their knees, clutching their heads.

Zero: No!!!! Not again!

Axl: AGH!!!! This is too much to bear!!!

Ravenf6: (watches the agony of the two screaming hunters for a moment.) That's enough, doctor.

Afterwards....

Ravenf6: For what that bit was worth, that was pretty good. You guys should consider the entertainment industry.

Zero: (sarcastic) Wow, the guy's a genius! Oh, wait a second: we already ARE!!

Axl: I don't think that's a good idea, Zero.

Sigma: (recording on his camera) No, keep going, folks love the behind the scenes angst!

Zero: (sighs and slaps a hand to his brow)I've endured 100 years of boredom, dying twice, getting blown up by mavericks and mechinoloids for THIS??? It's a wonder I haven't snapped yet!!

Ravenf6: (passive) .... Your point being?

Zero: (angry) You're dreaming if you think I'm gonna put up with this!

Ravenf6: Ah, but Zero, the girls love you.

Zero: (curious)... Come again?

Ravenf6: Chicks love your bravado, it turns them on. They also love your humongous ponytail. Very stylish.

Zero: Really? ... Well, I guess it couldn't hurt.

Ravenf6: Now let's prepare for the next act.

Just then, a large ... thing... emerges from the floor, it is a skeleton wearing a flowing, ragged black robe and carrying a wicked sickle on his back

(The Grim Reaper from Maximo)

Grim: Hey guys!

Ravenf6: Grim! I didn't expect to see you here.

Grim: Word travels fast in the Netherworld. So you guys are doing a Monty Python show?

Dr. Doppler: Yes.

Grim: Cool! It hasn't been the same since I had to claim one of them.

Axl: So... what brings you here? ... You're (looks around nervously)... not claiming any one are you?

Grim: What? (Hides the sickle) Of course not! I LOVE Monty Python!

X and Roll come out from the powder room and turn white with fear upon spotting the specter of death

Roll: (Shriek!) It's DEAAAAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!!!!!

X: !!

Roll: (clinging to his elder brother, screaming like crazy) AHH! I-DON'T-WANNA-DIE! X, BLAST-THE-DARN-THING, JUST-MAKE-IT-GO-AWAY!!!!

Everyone sweat drops.

Grim: ...Figures.. So... maestro, What you've got planned?

Ravenf6: Well, I was thinking of doing a couple of bits from "Monty Python & the Holy Grail". Any suggestions?

Grim: I know just the one: the "Black Knight Sketch!!"

Ravenf6: Excellent choice! Gate, Doppler! Get the forest scene ready. Wily, can you and Bass scare up some medieval weapons and armor? What are you guys waiting for, let's go!

Sigma: ... I don't think they understood.

Grim: Let me put it in English: (takes out his sickle) If you guys don't move it, I'm gonna start take an advance on you if you know what I mean!

A split second later, the entire stage is empty, save for raven and Grim.

Ravenf6: That was fast.

Grim: My other job is motivational instructor.

Raven: Is the pay good?

Grim: You have no idea...

Two hours later, the stage is transformed into a lush forest. On one end, there's a lonely tent, on the other, a bridge. Doppler and Gate exhibit the stage to the writer. At the far end, Dr. Wily fiddles with sheet metal.

Doppler: What do you think?

Raven: It's perfect! What about the costumes?

Wily: It's only smokestack shaped helmets. What more can we do?

Grim: Leave that to me. Now who's going to perform?

Ravenf6: Well, considering that neither Axl nor Zero want to humiliate themselves for a while, let's have X, Bass, and Sigma do it.

Sigma: (Comes from out of nowhere) Did someone mention my name?

Dr. Wily gets a wicked grin and stares at Ravenf6 who has an equally wicked grin on his face.

Ravenf6: Sigma, might we see you in wardrobe?

Sigma: You need me?

Wily: Yes, we've got the perfect costume for someone like you...

Ravenf6, Sigma, and Wily leave. X comes in reading a script followed by a grumpy looking Bass.

X: (mumbles the script) ..... This is something I could live with.

Bass: That's easy for you to say:

X: what's so bad? You don't have to say anything.

Bass: But my peasant outfit makes me look like an idiot! Who in their right mind would-

Ravenf6: (interrupts with a loudspeaker) Okay people; quiet on the set! Bass, X, Sigma, you know your lines by now so... Aw crap!

Gate: What is it?

Ravenf6: We're short again since Axl and Zero refuse to play this scene.

Gate: Couldn't you use your cosmic author powers to persuade them?

Ravenf6: It's not that simple, you can't just abuse such power. (starts pacing around) Who can we get to do the dirty work (a light bulb pops over his head). ... Someone ... charismatic... someone outgoing... someone...

A purple streak enters the room. A reploid in dark blue armor appears. He has short white hair, and red visor on his helmet. Sigma glared at this intruder with a contemptible sneer.

Dynamo: (sporting that cocky attitude he always does) You rang? 

Ravenf6: Unfortuneatly, yes. (Secretly grins an evil grin) Now here's what I need you to do...

After a brief explanation and costume change...

Dynamo: (In a green knight's costume) I can't see inside this helmet!

Sigma: (In black knight costume) At least yours fits. I can barely move in this chain mail suit.

Doppler: Well what did you expect when you have insanely large body armor?

Sigma: Let's get this over with...

X: (comes out dressed in a white tunic with a sun on it) This is so humiliating.... I'm no good with a sword!

Bass: Lucky me, but I really don't like the peasant look...oh well.

Ravenf6 signals the camera room to get ready.

Ravenf6: you all know your lines by now. (to camera room) Cue the music on my signal....ACTION!!!!

Gates starts playing the King Arthur theme. X moves like he's riding a horse when he's actually skipping along with peasant Bass banging a pair of coconut shells to simulate galloping.

SDFX: clip clop clip clop clip clop

????: ARGH!! (quick battle sounds)

Back to X and Bass "galloping"

sdfx: clip clop clip

????: YAHH!!!! (more battle)

Clip clop again

????: HAAAHH!!!!

X and Bass stop at a clearing and sees two knights, one green, one black, fighting a thrilling and barbaric sword fight.

Green knight: Argh!! (Slices at black knight but BK blocks it with his sword)

Black knight: Urrgh.... (Throws GN backwards and belts him on the head)

GK retaliates by grabbing a mace to smash BK, but BK kicks GK in the groin

GK: (high pitched) OUCH!!!

Raven6: CUT!!!!!! (Angry) Dynamo, you're not supposed to be THAT hurt!!!!

Dynamo: (doubled over in high pitch mode) but it hurts.... (groans)... it really hurts... I want a stunt double.

Sigma: Ha ha ha! I've wanted to do that for a very long time. Call me a cranky old grump, will you?

Ravenf6: You're reploids, you're not supposed to have those.... Family jewels... that's what sets us apart from you guys.

Dr. Cain: Maybe so, but since the abdominal area is structurally an important area between top and lower portion for the reploid body, it does have a low threshold for pain.

Ravenf6: ... I can't believe that actually made sense. (thinks) gives me an idea. (Waves his hand).

Dr. Cain: What is that?

Ravenf6: (booming voice) I hereby pass judgment: hence forth, all reploids will be equipped with a S-chip.

Everyone else on stage: "S-chip"?

Ravenf6: (normal voice) The S-chip, as I call it, allows reploids to acquire the six senses we human beings have, like sight, touch, smell, the other ones you originally weren't programmed with.

Sigma: I know we were already built with pain and touch, but that's a mouthful. ... SO. Should we get back to the scene?

Ravenf6: Let's do the last bit again.

Dynamo: Oh no, not the crotch smashing!

Ravenf6: We have no choice: unless we complete this scene, we're grounded.

IN the catwalk above the stage, a certain red hunter watches the madness from above.

Zero: (holding a camera much like the one Sigma used) Heh heh heh.. I never thought that would be so satisfying. Since old Siggy can't do anything about this, I'll just pick up the pieces where he left them.

Back on stage. Dynamo cringes anew as he becomes forced to redo the knee scene again.

Sigma hits the spot again; this time Dynamo jumps back groaning slightly

Ravenf6: CUT! I saw that Dynamo.

Dynamo: What?

Ravenf6: You're trying to fake the scene.

Dynamo: So? This kind of things been done for over 200 years in the film industry.

Ravenf6: But it looks so fake!

Dynamo: I had to do something! That accursed S-chip of yours is nothing but trouble.

Ravenf6: (sighs) Fine. But you owe me for this.

Dynamo: (looking worried) Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like this?

Ravenf6: (yells through the loud speaker right next to Dynamo) ACTION!!!!!

Dynamo: (grabs a long sword and charges at Sigma) YAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

Sigma throws his sword like a spear and it gores through Dynamo's helmet, blood gushes out of the visor and Dynamo collapses. Sigma walks up to the cadaver, draws out the sword and resumes his post in front of a bridge with his hands folded over the pommel.

X signals Bass to go on. The two "gallop" towards Sigma:

X: You fight with the strength of many men, good sir knight.

Sigma: (silence)...

X:... I am Arthur: King of the Britons.

Sigma: (silent again).....

X: ... I seek the finest and the bravest knights to join me in my court at Camelot.

Sigma: (silent yet again)...

X: ... You have proven yourself worthy. Will you join me?

Sigma: (silent beyond belief)...

X: .... You make me sad. So be it, (turns towards Bass) Come, Patsy!

Sigma: None shall pass.

X: What?

Sigma: None shall pass.

X: I've no quarrel with you, knight. But I must cross this bridge.

Sigma: Then you shall die.

X: (Looking irritated) I warned you. As King of the Britons, I command you to step aside!

Sigma: I move... for no man...

X: (angry) ... So be it! (Draws his sword ... but it slips out of his grasp)

Ravenf6: CUT!!! X, what are you doing?

X: I don't know; it's like that thing's a greased pig.

Upon closer inspection, the entire sword is covered in a slick liquid. Bass runs a sample between his fingers.

Bass: It's axle grease... But who would want to ruin the scene?

Everyone looks towards Axl, who was leaning against the wall.

Axl: Don't look at me: that's not my style.

Ravenf6: That leaves only one suspect. (Takes out a cell phone) Hey, Dr. Light, can you get everyone to assemble on the stage?

Light: (from his phone) All right...

Ravenf6: A sabateur. Ruin MY production, will he? At this rate, he will never live to see the next century!

Bass: So... what do we do in the meantime?

Ravenf6: Call for a coffee break, I'm going to get some donuts...(thinks to himself) If I find out who's behind this monkey wrench in my works, that fool will suffer most excruciatingly! (Turns around and sees Dynamo getting up with the sword still through his GK helmet.) You all right, Dynamo?

Dynamo: Thankfully this helmet's too big.. but now I can't see.

Ravenf6: (sweat drops) Oh, all right. Hold still so I can get that thing out...

Production down, yet again. Next time up, it's part two of the Black Knight Sketch, plus someone has incurred my terrible wrath. What's holding this thing all together? Find out that and more in our next chapter:

It's been a while since I've updated at all, yet I'm surprised to see there are some people still leaving reviews after all this time. I'd like to say thanks to the following people:

Hanae: I'm glad you liked it. and YES I'm planning to do the Spanish Inquisistion and the Dead Parrot Sketch, those are my favorites!

Bass GSX: A special thanks to you, man. I hope you liked the insanity, there's more to come in the next chapter.

Until next time, ladies and gents, Ja ne!

"Fun things you can do with an S-chip"


End file.
